Completely Useless Movie Review: The Queen of Versailles

It’s hard to watch a movie and not take it personally. When it’s fiction, there can be aspects of a storyline that ring familiar – a romance, some sort of triumph, a siginificant loss, etc. When it’s a documentary like The Queen of Versailles, and you do not want to believe it, it may take all your strength to keep from throwing a bucket of popcorn on your face to distract you from the clusterfuckery that one man and his business can cause. Here’s an unscientific breakdown:

– David Siegel started a timeshare empire and is rich. Just kidding, wealthy. Actually I take that back too. Whatever the German word is for being so full of zeros to the left of a decimal point that allows him to say things like he “was personally responsible for George W. Bush being elected in 2000“. Thanks for that one, buddy! He elaborates, stumbling, that maybe if it wasn’t for his support there wouldn’t be an Iraq War. This movie was also the first time I shouted a curse word in a theater.

– David’s current (second? third?) wife is Jackie, a former Miss Florida who is a tall, tan, and bosomed mother of seven who is 30 years his junior. Just by looking at the poster you want to dislike her but her warm moments outweigh the idiotic ones and next to her husband, she definitely comes out the winner.

Also, boobs be shopping.

– There’s a lot of weird animal things in this movie.

This puppy illustrates how I feel about their story.

– The help will break your heart. I won’t ruin that part, but, ugh. Like in this photo, look at the nanny to the left who can’t even get a break.

– You will hate people but love your life more. Then you’ll call your Mom/Dad/Aunt Becky/Uncle Jessie and tell them you love them and appreciate everything and anything about how you were raised to be where you are now.

– I saw this film in Central Florida where the family lives and there was a gaggle of about 20 bougie white women in the theater who are exuberantly drunk and actions indicate that they’ve had some interaction with the family. This was especially apparent when they were the only section to laugh out loud and offer jeers when someone in the movie said they met the Queen (Jackie) while she was volunteering at a Little League game. What does it mean? Does she not volunteer? Was it really a soccer game? QUESTIONS. They also pronounced it “Ver-sales”. 😦

Oh, yeah. The whole movie is about MONEY and INVESTMENTS and MILLIONS of dollars and a NINETY THOUSAND square foot house so all I have to say about that is:

Sigh. Here is the trailer.

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